But when you notice that it is vast, you should be happy; for what (you should ask yourself) would a solitude be that was not vast; there is only one solitude, and it is vast, heavy, difficult to bear, and almost everyone has hours when he would gladly exchange it for any kind of sociability, however trivial or cheap, for the tiniest outward agreement with the first person who comes along, the most unworthy...but perhaps these are the very hours during which solitude grows; for its growing is painful as the growing of boys and sad as the beginning of spring. But that must not confuse you. What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours - that is what you must be able to attain.
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letter 6, Letters To A Young Poet
John Donne’s famous lines, “No man is an island,” have given encouragement to many, for it is true that we cannot live apart from others. We seek company; we build these webs, connections and interconnections of relationships, associations and friendships. But when we think about it, we are islands. We are islands floating in a common sea. This is not to be anti-social, or to be aloof, or uncaring, or unconnected with others.
In the final analysis, we are all indeed alone. At the end of the day, as Rilke poignantly describes, we are left our own life. We are left with this essential condition of isolation. Oh we rail against it, we find ways to drown out this solitude that is ours. We are afraid of being alone. We are terrified to think that we can be disconnected. We do not want to be left by ourselves, and we resort to all things in order to avoid it, in order to never let it happen. Music, television, noise, friends – all these to avoid the gnawing feeling we are islands floating on our own. We are derisive of those who treasure their privacy, who want to be left alone.
But as it is essential in us, this separation, this basic solitude that marks our existence, we must learn to come into terms with it.
Only by making peace with our self – in the primeval understanding of our independent selves can we come into a real connection with others. In our separation can we better appreciate our associations with others. It is not being hostile, it is not being anti-social when we learn to cultivate our private, solitary gardens.
It is, rather, because of a deeper appreciation of others, of self, and the relationships that must be cared for with diligence.
Ann Morrow Lindbergh has this to say, “When one is a stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others...only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others. And, as for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude.”
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