The Audience of One

In my great need to be pleasing – to earn, in one way or another, the applause, or at the very least, the approval of another – I feel the call to put on masks. I dutifully don on the appropriate mask for whatever occasion. You need to understand that this need is not some desperate call for attention, or a pathetic excuse to be noticed. It is not some sad attempt to bring significance to an otherwise meaningless existence. For truth of the matter is, we all feel this desire, this deep need: to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be affirmed. We are driven by the motivation of wanting to impress, to make a mark, to please others. We seek it. We need it. We yearn for it. Spouses, friends, parents, children, colleagues: we all seek it from them. Human praise, or the desire for it, is by no means evil, nor shameful. When we are honest with ourselves we recognize that human praise, imperfect it may seem, inadequate it can be, is a gift. For we know, that at the very core of who and what we are, we have been wired for this – to be accepted, to be loved. A warm smile, a pat on the back, a look of recognition – we seek them, and like a cold drink on an arid day, we imbibe it and celebrate it, our parched hearts coming alive with the cool, refreshing moisture of human appreciation.

And yet, what if it does not come?

And yet, what if it is given imperfectly, inadequately (as is always the case)?

Should frustration be the cloak that shall cover us, therefore? Shall the bitter brew of resentment and rejection be our choice cocktail? We seethe with unfulfilled dreams. We simmer with some half-forgotten rage, a general sense of annoyance that chafe, and poke, and wound. Because truth of the matter, we never get what we desire. We never get the attention we need. We never receive the praise and the admiration from the people we have been driven to impress. And like children we sulk at the very thought of being ignored. And like world-weary cynics that we have come to be, we are tired, and restless, for we never get enough so as to be comfortable in our little corners, content and silent.

And yet, in the spotlight of our daily performances, we forget that there is another way to live. There is a way to live, away from resentments, frustrations and bitterness – away from the dissatisfaction of not getting enough appreciation, and affirmation. There is Someone whose grace and kindness allows us to perform without the pressures of undue expectations, without the forced rhythms of musts and shoulds, freedom from the ruthless cycle of donning on masks and hiding our true selves. For this Audience of One sees our labors, and recognizes our frustrations. For in Him, we regain our focus. In His purposes, we align the meaning of our lives, and in His gaze, we find acceptance, appreciation, love. As we live for this Audience of One, we become content, and our needs are simplified. The thousand voices that demand our time, our efforts, our best, are muffled by the beating of His heart – the beating that will become the drum that we march to.