It Comes To This

Nothing can be as tragic as love that is bled dry, the reservoir emptied with neglect and apathy. It is tragic because at anytime the leak could have been stanched. The seepage may have been plugged, but the wanton waste went on disregarded, and so it comes as no surprise that it has run out. But no tears were wept, no violent emotions wreaking havoc but a resignation with nary a whimper. A letting go, almost like a sigh of relief, rather than fighting for it; this is what it has become: a blank paper bleached dry under the sun, feathery, insubstantial. Silences that used to be rife with meaning and significance are now just solitudes that signify nothing but total absence.

From the outside you wouldn’t have noticed-not if you don’t care, anyway. Nothing will betray the dryness that seems to describe your world now. You know the right words, the right actions, and you can go through the motion with nary a thought. You have done this before. Behold, the great thespian, playing the part, large gestures, a gaiety that is more sad than comic. But how long can you go on like this? When everything chafes, rubs you, wounds you with infinitesimal lacerations, and your thirst absorbs moisture only to end up feeling thirstier.

And so it comes to certain things that you have so far adroitly side-stepped. With dexterity that surprises even yourself, you have learned to deliberately skim over delicate issues you’d rather hope would just go away. And so, you have come to realize that one can avoid them only for such a time, and you extend progressively more strenuous efforts to keep it away. You are beginning to feel the strain. You are not as young or as strong as you used to be.

It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when you were overflowing with the sweetness that can only come from your youth, and from the generous abundance of your love. You were magnificent. You were brimming with life, with joy, with the joy of life, and the life in being filled with joy. And Love. Love- you knew Love so well. Love you have treasured with such devotion. It was Love that occupied you all your waking moments, and it was Love that filled your dreams. How different it was then. You were filled with hope that is now starkly absent. You were filled with a purpose long gone, only to be replaced with momentary pursuits that lead to oblivion and beckoning you to imbibe half-empty bottles containing elixirs of unfulfilled promises and leaving you with a belly full of regrets. Are all these worth the Love you have let go? Are you happier now that you have completely abandoned your Love?

“...Thus says the Lord:
I remember you,
the kindness of your youth,
the love of your betrothal,
when you went after Me in the wilderness,
in a land not sown...” Jeremiah 2:1-2